Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i barfeds in our rink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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