This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
