I heard we made out
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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