in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
