Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
