My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize