You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
