Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
