To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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