Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
