you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
