The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
