i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
