I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
