My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
