Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize