fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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