she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
