you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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