Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
