The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
