I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
