I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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