What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
