i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
