Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
