I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
