I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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