She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
