I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
