My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
