I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize