First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
