I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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