I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
