I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
