didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
