actually, I'm a sock model
He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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