That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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