It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
