You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
