I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
