Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
