What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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