I will die if light touches me.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
