And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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