its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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