The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
