You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
