The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
