im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
