We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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