if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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