Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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