wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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