Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
