Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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