Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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