Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
