New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
