hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
