DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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