As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
