im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
