So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
