I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
